To the Nines

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We throw a dress-up party for grown ups, and the ladies and gentlemen of the Funk provide style tips and recipes to help you look and eat your best. Sometimes, dressing up just makes you feel better, and the group creates a dress-up party for no reason, but plenty of reasons to watch with some easy to make, super classy drinks and dishes that don’t break the bank but might break some hearts. Pinkies up!

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The runway

Iced Wrist

You know what can add some heat to any outfit? Sparkles, ya’ll. Righteous gemstones. Nothing makes a suit pop or a dress sizzle more than some diamonds around that wrist, that neck, in them ears, or on your fingers. We wanted to make a cocktail that is more than meets the eye, but when the light hits it just right, you know they got it goin’ on. The Iced Wrist is just that – the martini glass full of classy goodness feels like some jewelry on your arm – the weight, the shine, the perfect accessory for a killer outfit, and the catalyst for a killer night, too. This is our take on the white cosmopolitan (it’s actually clear, so who knows how they came up with that name), plus this just hits better. Sweet pears and orange combine with white cranberry to create a drink that’s just like your style – strong, bright and shining on your terms. Like Ri-Ri says, shine bright like a diamond and raise your glass, because you just raised the game up in here.


  • 2 ounces pear-infused vodka (directions below)
  • ½ ounce elderflower liqueur
  • 1 ounce white cranberry juice
  • Ice for shaker
  • ¼ ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice
  • Pear wedge for garnish/rim 
  • 3 cranberries for garnish

Ingredients for Pear-Infused Vodka

  • 1 quart mason jar
  • 2 pears, peeled and sliced, peels and seeds removed
  • Dash of vanilla extract
  • 3 cups vodka

Directions for Pear-Infused Vodka

  • Add all ingredients to the mason jar
  • Store in a cool, dry place away from sunlight for 5 days
  • Shake once a day
  • Strain vodka, discard pears


  • Add vodka, elderflower liqueur, lemon juice and cranberry juice into an ice-filled strainer
  • Take your pear slice, and run it around the rim of a martini glass, leaving it stuck on the rim at the end of your turn
  • Strain the booze into a martini glass
  • Drop the cranberries into the glass
  • Ice it up, and light up your night

Patent Leather

You know we’re suckers for steak (and a killer cocktail dress or a nice suit), but sometimes a big ol’ bone-in ribeye can be a little heavy when you’re trying to get your groove on or tip back a few drinks. Patent Leather is our recipe for the classic classy dish beef tartare. Taking a really great cut of beef, serving it raw with the best complimentary flavors? There’s nothing we like more than getting some compliments when we’re in the raw, and this dish gives you that sexy vibe that goes great with playing a little dress up. We take raw, top-shelf tenderloin, dice it super small, and combine it with capers, gherkins, shallots, dijon and a touch of salt to give more than a touch of class to your date. You know we can be fancy and rugged too, so instead of crostinis, we love to pair it with some kettle cooked potato chips. You know we ain’t too proud or too good for some good ol’ chips – and we ain’t too proud to beg, neither. Serve this at your party, and they’ll be beggin’ for more.  


  • 1/2 pound of fresh, high-quality beef tenderloin (sirloin can work too)
  • 2 tablespoons of minced, fresh parsley (dried can work if you need to, but only use about 1 tablespoon of that dried stuff if you have to go that route)
  • 2 tablespoons finely minced shallots (we used a food processor for ours)
  • 2 tablespoons of drained and finely minced up capers 
  • 2 tablespoons of really finely chopped gherkins 
  • ½ teaspoon minced garlic 
  • 5 teaspoons worcester sauce
  • 1 ½ tablespoons dijon mustard
  • ½ teaspoon kosher salt
  • Dash of lemon juice 
  • 2 duck egg yolk ( can use chicken egg yolks as well) 
  • 1 8 ounce. bag of kettle cooked potato chips (regular/salted flavor)


  • Place your beef on glass plate or cutting board, and put it in the freezer, so it stiffens up, but still cuttable, for 15-18 minutes, no longer than 20 minutes
  • Once you take it out, cut the meat into slices, about ¼” thick
  • Then cut those slices into ¼” strips again
  • After you have them cut, then finely chop them with your bet kitchen knife
  • When they’re in as small as pieces as you think you can get, put ‘em back in the fridge (not the freezer)
  • Meanwhile, take those chopped/minced capers, garlic, gherkins, shallots and parsley, and give ‘em all another round of dicing, just to get them as small as possible
  • In a mixing bowl, combine the worcestershire and dijon
  • Toss in the chopped veggies/herbs and mix ‘em up
  • Add in the meat, and gently stir it
  • Add in the salt, gently stir it again
  • When you’re ready to eat it, add in the egg yolks, and stir again
  • Using a ramekin, small bowl or something that can hold a shape, press some of the mixture into it, and flip over onto a plate to serve (or just serve them in a fun, small serving bowl/glass, like a shot glass)
  • Surround with the potato chips for topping/serving
  • Feel strong and proud about your fancy beef dish

Cufflink Tacos

When you wanna feel like you’re ballin’ out to the nines and living the high life, there might not be a better ingredient than lobster. One of the fanciest proteins there is, it’s actually incredibly flexible – works great on its own, with butter, in mac and cheese, on a salad, and one of our favorite places to put it – on a taco. Like the cufflinks they’re named after, this type of dish just makes you feel a little cooler and more bougie when you’ve got it in the mix. The fun combination of flavors, the soft, buttery mouthfeel of the lobster combining with the crunchy of the coleslaw and the taco shells just fit right – like that French cuff shirt or those heels that just slip on and make you feel all special. When we put them into these mini-shells (taco shells, we’ve taken ‘em out of the lobster shells), they also help spread the meal around without burning through your wallet, so this is truly balling on a budget. Let’s get some browned butter, lobster and some fresh herbs to sauce things up and keep on pilin’ on the style, ya’ll. With royal slaw and a bumpin’ corn salsa on top? Simply top drawer, babe.


  • mini, crispy corn taco shells
  • 1 ½ pounds. Roughly chopped up cooked lobster meat
  • zest and juice from 1 lime
  • ½ teaspoon cumin
  • 1 tablespoon fresh tarragon, chopped 
  • 1 cup mayo
  • 1 teaspoon minced garlic
  • 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 1 teaspoon paprika 
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • 2 cups of royal slaw (ingredients/directions below)
  • 1 cup of pico de gallo (ingredients/directions below)
  • Chopped cilantro (for garnish)
  • lime wedges (for looks, this dish doesn’t need it)

Ingredients for Pickled Red Onions

  • 1 pound Red onions, sliced
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • ¼ cup sugar
  • 1 cup distilled white vinegar 
  • 1 cup water

Directions for Pickled Red Onions

  • Heat water, vinegar and sugar in a pan until the sugar dissolves
  • Pack the onions into a ¼ quart jar (we use plastic so it travels well on the boat) and pour the vinegar/sugar mix over it
  • Seal it and store ‘em in the fridge, they last around 5 weeks, and good after 2 hours


  • Mix the lime zest and juice, mayo, cumin, tarragon, garlic, cayenne and salt and pepper in a mixing bowl
  • Add in the lobster meat, stir together until evenly mixed, set aside.
  • Heat your taco shells briefly in the oven, 350 degrees for a minute or so
  • Scoop a heaping portion of the lobster meat the bottom of the taco
  • Add a layer of the royal slaw
  • Add a layer of the pico de gallo 
  • Top with chopped cilantro and squeeze a lime over it (if you want to…)
  • Have a bit and taco ‘bout it!


When you’re dressing up for no reason, you want something that’s no fuss, no muss, but high class so you can be high falutin’ and have a free hand for your cocktail or beer, too. This dish pairs incredibly well with anything – steaks, burgers, eggs, IPA’s, champagne, even spam. We get the perfect crunchy bite, with hot, crispy potatoes, cool, smooth cream, and a nice dash of salty, umami flavor from those anchovies that can class up any joint (or any outfit, too). Easy to make, even easier to eat. It sounds a bit out there – and it’s going to take you far. You’re dressed to impress, and know you’ve got the food to impress too. We’ve made this for breakfast, lunch, dinner, cocktail parties and anytime you want to dress things up a bit. We wish we could take credit for this incredible party dish, but we got it from a true master, the great Mason Hereford. This is from Turkey and the Wolf’s cookbook (and we have his permission to use it).


  • 4 cups frozen vegetable oil
  • 8 frozen hash brown patties (like you see at a fast food joint)
  • Kosher salt to taste
  • 1 cup of anchovy “crème fraîche” (recipe below)
  • 2 ounces pink/orange salmon roe/caviar
  • ¼ cup thinly sliced chives
  • Lemon wedges for flavoring at the end

Ingredients for Anchovy Crème Fraîche

  • ½ cup sour cream
  • ½  cup fresh lemon juice (basically the juice from 2 lemons)
  • ½ teaspoon kosher salt
  • One 2 ounce can oil-packed anchovy filets
  • 4 ounce ½ cup cream cheese, left out to room temperature, cut into 6 squares

Directions for Anchovy Crème Fraîche

  • Combine the sour cream, lemon juice, salt and all the anchovies and their oil in a blender, and blend ‘em until smooth
  • Blend slowly, until it’s smooth, but don’t overblend, just smooth enough to drip in dollops 
  • Add more salt or lemon if you want


  • Heat your oil to 350 degrees
  • Drop ‘em in, for 4-5 minutes, flipping them, until they’re golden brown (if you have to do batches, you can keep ‘em warm in the oven at 250 degrees), but salt ‘em right out of the fryer
  • Put a nice dollop of the anchovy crème fraîche on those patties
  • Liberally sprinkle the salmon roe or caviar onto each one
  • Top with chopped chives
  • Grab a pattie, throw that pinky up and take a bite

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