S3E4: The King's Table

Hear Ye, Hear Ye! The Lords and Ladies of Spatchcock Funk take you on a culinart quest, with a medieval-themed party. Fun, themed costumes, role-playing and a spread fit for a king, all of your subjects will love this party for the (Middle) ages.

Watch the full episode

Recipes from this episode

Valhalla's Nectar

Whipped War Pigs

King Turkey Legs

Hot Princess Peach

Valhalla's Nectar

Yields: 1 cocktail
Time: 5 minutes

We’re tryin’ to keep it authentic to the time period, the same way we like to keep things authentic with our people. We named this cocktail after the legendary afterlife for Viking warriors, and the Vikings, both as raiders and traders, had a tremendous influence on Europe during these dark times. One of their favorite things to drink after all that pillaging or commerce therapy was mead, a honey-based wine that is part of the drink. When we think of the Middle Ages (or the renaissance), we usually think of Europe, but advancements, both technological and culinary, were happening around the world. In the New World, pre-Spanish Central Americans were learning how to distill with agave, and we use Mezcal, honey simple syrup, and lime juice to make a righteous cocktail. Like a battle axe, it’s perfectly balanced, sharp, and powerful.

Ingredients:

2 oz mead (sweet preferred for this cocktail)
1 oz mezcal
1 oz water
1 oz lime juice
1 oz honey simple syrup
ice

Ingredients for Honey Simple Syrup

12 oz pure honey
12 oz water

Directions for Each Drink:

Add rum and lime juice to a tall glass filled with ice
Add in splash of vanilla
Stir
Top with ginger beer
Garnish with the red, white and blue
Turn it up

Directions for Honey Simple Syrup

In a medium saucepan, heat the honey and water over medium heat, stirring constantly until evenly mixed and the honey is all mixed in right
Let cool to room temp before using

Whipped War Pigs

Yields: 8-10 servings
Prep Time: 60 Minutes (3 hour resting time for the pork belly)

Now, mashed potatoes are good, if they’re done right, obviously. And they’ve been mashin’ ‘em for a long time, but actually not in the Middle Ages. Taters weren’t really popular in Europe until the renaissance, but they just work so good with this feast, we had to keep ‘em in. You see, fries and taters are at ren faires because they’re cheap and easy to make well. This recipe in particular is easy to make, but they take some time. They aren’t the cheapest taters in the world, since one of the ingredients is pork belly, which we also use the reserved fat with some turkey fat to make a truly majestic gravy. We also fold in some chives and some really, really sharp cheddar (like sharp as a dagger sharp), with some heavy cream and butter to make a really creamy tater. If done right, this takes a couple days to make (trust the monks of the Funk, it’s worth it).

Ingredients:

5 lbs of yukon gold potatoes, washed and peeled (we’re gluttons for punishment) and cut into chunks
• 1 lb roasted and pan-fried, then chopped up pork belly (ingredients/directions below)
• 3 C of pork and turkey fat gravy (ingredients/directions below)
• 3 sticks of room-temp butter (at least that, to your preference)
• 16 oz of shredded extra sharp white cheddar cheese
• ⅓ C chopped fresh chives for potatoes
• 1 Tbsp chopped chives for garnish
• ¼ C cream cheese
• ¼ C of heavy cream
• 4 tsp garlic powder
• 1 Tbsp cracked black pepper
• ½ Tbsp garlic salt (for the water)
• 1 Tbsp garlic salt for the taters)
• ½ Tbsp dry mustard

Ingredients for Pork Belly

1 lb pork belly (we prefer skin on, but ok if not, if you use the skin, score it well)
½ Tbsp kosher salt
3 tsp of granulated sugar
1 tsp (or less) of cracked black pepper

Ingredients for the Gravy

The reserved fat from the pork belly
Turkey fat drippings (we get a couple turkey necks, sometimes smoked, and render ‘em in a pan, but chicken fat works just as well)
2 C chicken stock, divided
3-4 Tbsp melted unsalted butter (more if you want)
¼ of flour
⅛ C of white wine (like a Chardonnay)
Salt and pepper to taste

Ingredients for Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing

10 oz (or 1 ¼ C) of blue cheese crumbles
1 C mayo (Mason says to use Duke’s, so that’s what we used here)
½ C Sour cream • ¼ C Buttermilk
1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 Tbsp poppy seeds
1 ½ teaspoon hot sauce (like a tabasco)
1 ½ tsp garlic powder
1 ¼ tsp onion powder
1 tsp freshly ground black pepper
½ tsp celery salt
½ tsp celery seed
Kosher salt to taste

Directions:

Put the taters in a large pot, cover with water until there is an inch over the top
Add in a ½ Tbsp of the garlic salt
Bring to a boil, then boil uncovered for 14 minutes until the potatoes are fork tender
Drain ‘em, and keep ‘em in the pot
In another smaller bowl, mix the butter, cheeses, heavy cream, and garlic powder
In the same pot that you drained, with the taters still in there, add in the cheese mixture and whip them all together
Once they are adequately mixed together, fold in the chives, black pepper, and pork belly bites
Scoop a little on your plate, and then top with the gravy

Directions for Pork Belly

Mix the dry ingredients together, and rub ‘em into the pork belly • Wrap the meat in plastic wrap and throw it in the fridge overnight • Get your oven to 450 degrees
Roast the pork belly for 30 minutes
Lower the oven temp to 275 and roast it for another hour
Keep the reserved pork fat!!!!! This is critical for the gravy the next day • Take it out of the oven, let it cool to room temp and then wrap it in plastic again (not the same plastic, obviously)
Put it in the fridge for a minimum of 3 hours, but it could go overnight too • Unwrap it, remove the skin, and chop ‘em up and fry them briefly in the oil for the turkey for some tasty cracklins to snack on while you’re cooking
The fatty and meat part, cut it into ½ inch slices, and lightly sear in a big pan, and save that grease too for the gravy
After that, chop ‘em into smaller pieces, as small as possible

Directions for the Gravy

Heat the pork and turkey fat in a saucepan, and add in 1 C of the stock • Heat it until it starts simmering
Using a whisk, stir constantly, and scrape any of the bits on the pan. If they aren’t burned, they’re good, and leave ‘em in
Add in the rest of the broth and the melted butter, a little at a time, until it gets to your desired thickness
Throw in the flour and the wine and keep stirring until you’re happy. If you need more butter or flour to thicken, go for it

King Turkey Legs

Yields: 6 servings
Total time: 45 Minutes (no counting marinade time of a few hours minimum)

When we think of Renaissance Faires (or State Fairs), or paintings of Kings, we usually picture a giant, honkin’ turkey leg, and for good reason - they’re royally good. Some people roast ‘em, and others drop ‘em in the fryer; that’s the method that we’re favoring here. We love the crispy skin, the juicy dark meat, and the way the marinade pops. To really make this fit for the crown, we pair it with a cracked black pepper and cranberry mayo for dipping. It looks great on the bone, even though it won’t stay there for long. There’s something special about gripping the leg and just tearing a bite out with your bared teeth that just hits different. Whether you’re a kid or an adult, or you’re waiting in line for the Ferris Wheel or a cup of grog at Ye Olde Tavern, it is on. And yeah, we know Creole and Cajun styles didn’t exist until the 1700’s, but we sure love it, and it works really well here.

Ingredients:

6 Really big turkey legs
1 C Cracked cranberry aioli (ingredients/directions below)
2 C Creole marinade (ingredients/directions below)
¼ C Cajun seasoning (ingredients/directions below)
Peanut or vegetable oil for frying (be careful if you have peeps with peanut allergies for this whole dish)
1 Tbsp chopped parsley

Ingredients for Cracked Cranberry Aioli

2 C mayonnaise
1 10 oz can of cranberry sauce (in the can, the one with the berries, not the gel) • ½ – 1 Tbsp Freshly ground cracked black pepper
1 tsp granulated garlic
½ tsp fine sea salt
½ tsp lime juice

Ingredients for Creole Marinade

3 C extra virgin olive oil
¼ C fresh tomato, chopped up, seeds, juice, and all
5 crushed fresh garlic cloves
2 Tbsp fresh lime juice
2 tsp cayenne pepper
½ diced white onion
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp freshly ground black pepper
1 tsp white pepper
1 Tbsp dried oregano
¼ C chopped fresh basil
1 Tbsp dried thyme
Kosher salt to taste

Ingredients for Cajun Seasoning

1 Tbsp paprika
½ Tbsp dried parsley
2 ½ tsp kosher salt
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp ground cayenne
½ tsp dried thyme
½ tsp dried oregano
½ tsp white pepper
½ tsp black pepper

Directions:

The day before, soak your turkey legs in marinade for at least 3 hours, but we always do ‘em overnight

In a really large pot, bring your oil to 375 degrees
Remove the legs from the marinade, and wipe the excess marinade off
Run the Cajun seasoning in all over the legs, hittin’ both sides
Fry for about 15 minutes, until golden brown and crispy. Keep an eye on ‘em
Take the legs out of the fryer, and salt immediately
Rest on some paper towels
If ya gotta keep ‘em warm, throw ‘em in oven at 200 degrees
Garnish with chopped parsley
Dip ‘em in the cracked cranberry mayo and eat like a King (or Queen)

Directions for Cracked Cranberry Aioli

In a mixing bowl, mix all ingredients thoroughly
Let refrigerate for at least 20 minutes for flavors to meld

Directions for Creole Marinade

In a large glass mixing bowl, mix everything together
Take a taste, and if you need to add more salt or lemon juice, go for it • (This will stay in your fridge for a week)

Directions For Cajun Seasoning

Mix all ingredients together

Hot Princess Peach

Yields: 8 servings
Prep Time: 20 minutes

Some tailgates can get a little brisk, others downright brutal, with cold winds, even snowstorms. We’ve got the remedy, though, besides dressing in layers, that is… A great, warm soup with some fun croutons. Some of the best parts of tailgates are bacon, beer and cheese, so we threw ‘em all together and fire up the cauldron and make something magical, like that big trick play that actually works. Smokey bacon, a combination of cheeses and creamy goodness has made this the highlight of a few tailgates we’ve been lucky enough to be a part of. Easy to make, just takes a little time (and a little bacon) and totally worth it. The pretzel croutons add a little something to the presentation and the bite, too. Get on ‘em.

Ingredients:

4 fresh peaches, cut in half and pitted (right before you grill them) • ½ C raw honey
1 ½ Tbsp prosecco vinegar
2 tsp vanilla extract
4 Tbsp melted butter
2 tsp cinnamon
1 Tbsp brown sugar
1 C basil creme fraiche (ingredients/directions below)
Chopped basil for garnish

Ingredients for Basil Creme Fraiche

1 C creme fraiche
¼ fresh basil leaves
Splash of vanilla
1 Tbsp neutral oil like sunflower

Directions:

In a pan, mix the butter, sugar, vinegar, honey, and cinnamon and heat until evenly combined
Heat your grill to medium heat
Brush the flat side of the peach with the mixture. You should have some left over • Grill for 5-6 minutes until you get grill marks
Flip, and brush the flat side again, and grill again for 7 minutes until tender • Plate ‘em, flat side up, and add a dollop of the creme

Directions for Basil Creme Fraiche