S2E7: Not Safe For Work

Spatchcock Funk puts in the work to help you supervise the perfect office party. They provide co-worker approved dishes to bring to your next pot luck, and everything you need to make your next work event one you’ll never forget.

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Recipes from this episode

Timecard Punch

French Onion Dip

Cookoff Chili

Office Trash

Timecard Punch

Yields: 6 drinks/pitcher, 25 drinks/punch bowl
Prep Time: 10 minutes

Every office party needs a little hooch in our opinion, and we’ve got a punch that really delivers. It’s sweet enough to please everyone, but not too sweet to be off-putting. You’re going to want to have a few of these (just not too many if you’re driving or spending a lot of time with the bosses, unless that helps you out, of course). It combines things we love, beer, booze, some lemonade and some water to keep you hydrated. The combination makes something really light and refreshing, and has enough of a bump to get you through the office party the right way. Best served in a 16 oz cup.

Ingredients:

12 oz of Tito’s handcrafted vodka
12 oz of water
12 oz of a light, domestic beer
12 oz of lemon lime soda
1 12 oz container of pink lemonade frozen concentrate
12 oz of club soda
Lemons
Ice
Pitcher

Directions for Each Drink:

In a gallon pitcher, add thawed concentrate
Add water (it can be measured in the concentrate can)
Add vodka (it can be measured in the concentrate can)
Add in the beer and soda
Mix punch
Pour over ice
Garnish with lemon wedge
Crank up your playlist, raise a glass and get to work

To Make In a Larger Batch (25 drinks)

Use a tub or cooler instead of the pitcher
Pour in 2 750ml bottles of Tito’s handcrafted vodka
Add in 4 cans of frozen pink lemonade concentrate, thawed
Add in 48 ounces of water (4 concentrate cans full)
Add in 4 beers
Fill with ice in the cooler
Add in sliced lemons
Mix up
Dip your cup, then walk out of your office to see how loud the music is, we don’t want that grumpy old dude in accounting giving you grief

French Onion Dip

Yields: 8-10 servings
Prep Time: 40 minutes

We're firm believers that when it comes to office meetings or anything we’re invited too, we should always knock with our elbows. What the hell does that mean? Ya gotta bring something to the table! If it’s an idea for a brainstorming meeting, donuts when visiting a client, or flowers when invited to a dinner, don’t show up empty-handed. The same is true for your office party or an office pig out day - come heavy. There is absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever with just grabbing some chips and dips at the grocery store, but we’ve got a recipe to really help turn some heads and impress the powers that be - homemade, hot French onion dip. The store bought stuff is just fine, but let’s face it, you’re more than just fine. Great cheeses, caramelized onions and crispy kettle chips really bring this dip together, so don’t be afraid to level-up for your next office gathering. Your office rival will notice. Establish your office dominance: Make a great dip.

Ingredients:

1 lb of crostinis (ingredients/directions below)
2 giant onions that have been caramelized and set aside (directions below)
8 oz brick of brie cheese, diced up into cubes
8 oz of room temp cream cheese, diced up into cubes
¼ C shredded parmesan cheese
1 C shredded gruyere cheese, divided
½ C sour cream
½ C mayo
½ tsp crushed red pepper
½ tsp black pepper
½ tsp salt
1 tsp fresh thyme
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp balsamic vinegar
Cooking spray
¼ C fresh chopped parsley for garnish, divided

Ingredients for the Caramelized Onions

2 large white onions, sliced thinly (the biggest ones they got)
1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
½ C butter, plus more as needed
1 tsp granulated sugar
Dash of salt

Ingredients for the Crostinis

1 french baguette, sliced thin (1/4-1/2 inch)
1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
2 cloves of minced garlic
1/4 cup of chopped parsley
2 Tbsp of Italian seasoning

Directions:

Combine all ingredients (except the brie, cream cheese, half of the gruyere and the parsley and chips) in a metal mixing bowl and mix evenly
Preheat the oven to 350
Throw the brie and cream cheese in the microwave for 10 seconds
Mix the brie and cream cheese into the overall mixture (still keeping the gruyere separate)
Take a cast iron skillet, and spray with your cooking spray
Gently layer the combined mixture into the skillet and spread evenly
Bake uncovered for 20 minutes, then top with remaining gruyere and half of the parsley
Return to the oven and bake uncovered for 15 more minutes
Remove and let rest for 10-15 minutes
Throw on a little of the remaining parsley
Grab a chip and get to work!

Directions for the Caramelized Onions

Over medium heat, melt half of the butter, add half of the evoo
Add the onions, sugar and stir
Keep stirring, gently, every few minutes, for 15-20 minutes
Add more butter, salt and evoo
Keep stirring for another 15-20 until they become an even dark brown, and not just on the edges

Directions for the Crostinis

Mix all ingredients except the bread in a mixing bowl
Preheat your oven to 375 degrees
Baste each side of the slices of bread with the basting mixture
Bake for 7 minutes and flip, checking for doneness, they should be golden brown and crispy

Cookoff Chili

Yields: 15-20 servings
Total time: 2 hours

One of the mainstays of an office? The conference room. Sometimes fun, other times deadly (many a job has been lost in one of these places). One of the mainstays of the office party? Chili, baby. And we’ve got a dynamite chicken version, which is great to have in your skill set. This dish is great for a lot of people, and if you’ve got some people in the office who don’t eat beef or pork, it still pleases everyone (like your office closing early, or that pain in the ass from accounting putting in their two week notice). The flavor here brings some brightness, tang and that chili goodness that can be made in advance of your company pig-out day. Served with white corn chips, fresh diced red onion for crunch and a little garlic sour cream, this chili takes your party to the next level. After all, we’re creative problem solvers and trouble makers, and this dish is the best kind of trouble. It’s what we call one of those “good problems."

Ingredients:

2 Tbsp butter
1 lb of ground up chicken
1 whole rotisserie chicken, shredded (white and dark meat) and all he juices/fat from the bag reserved
1 lb of grilled chicken breasts, cut into cubes (we coated ours with Adobo seasoning and grilled, you can also marinade it in a lemon-garlic or southwest-style marinade)
¼ lb duck fat
4 16-oz cans of Caribbean-spiced black beans (do not drain)
1 Tbsp chipotle chili powder
½ C of banana peppers, mashed up in a food processor
1 Tbsp chili powder
1 tsp ground cumin
1 Tbsp Adobo seasoning
1 Tbsp olive oil
1 red bell pepper, diced
½ a white onion, diced
6 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
2 C chicken stock (more left on the side to add as needed)
1 15 oz can fire-roasted diced tomatoes
1 15 oz can of tomato paste
1 C salsa verde (store bought or recipe below)
Salt and pepper to taste
1 Tbsp chives
White corn tortilla chips for serving
Garlic honey sour cream (directions below) for serving
Chopped cilantro or green onions for garnish serving

Ingredients for Salsa Verde

1 lb tomatillos with the husks removed
2 jalapeño peppers, diced, seeds and ribs removed
2 cloves garlic, peeled
1/2 C fresh cilantro leaves
1/3 C diced white onion
1 Tbsp lime juice
1 tsp Kosher salt, or more to taste

Ingredients for Garlic Honey Sour Dream

1 C Sour cream
½ Tbsp granulated garlic
1 Tbsp honey

Directions:

Preheat your oven to 375
Shred the roasted chicken (eat the skin as a snack), add the chicken grease to the pot, cube up the breasts
In a large pot, add in the reserved grease from the baked chicken and the butter, and heat over medium/high until the butter melts
Add in the ground chicken and stir until cooked through
Add in all the other ingredients (except chips, sour cream and cilantro/green onion garnish)
Cook on medium low for at least 2 hours, and then on simmer for an hour
While cooking, if it gets too thick, add a little more chicken stock
When you’re ready to serve, scoop some in a bowl
Add a dollop of the garlic honey sour cream
Stick a few chips into the mix, and garnish with cilantro/green onions
Mix it all up and take a big ol’ bite!

Directions for Salsa Verde

Preheat oven to 425
On a foil lined baking sheet, roast the ¾ of the tomatillos and all the peppers for 15 minutes
Add all roasted and raw ingredients to a blender and blend until chunky but broken up, about 2 minutes
Taste, season with salt and pepper, and refrigerate until ready to use it

Directions for Garlic Honey Sour Cream

Mix all ingredients evenly (we like using a food processor for best results, or a hand mixer)

Office Trash

Yields: 10-15 servings
Prep Time: 25 minutes

We went to an office party once and someone brought in a great dessert they called “White Trash.” We didn’t really like the name, but we loved the crunch and sweetness, so we reclaimed the dish and applied it to something that appears all over the place, office trash. People don’t treat their workplace like their home, and they should - they spend more time in the office than in their house or apartment, usually. So this sweet, tasty treat is great for any office party, or a holiday gathering, it just gets people in the mood to be sweet around each other, and hopefully clean up after themselves at least. Let’s brighten some things up and make people and the party just a bit sweeter.

Ingredients:

3 C of regular Cap’n Crunch
3 C of Cinnamon Chex
3 C of Apple Cinnamon Cheerios
1 C of Honey Roasted Peanuts
2 C of small pretzels
2 – 11 oz packages of white chocolate chips
1 Tbsp toffee whiskey (peanut butter whiskey works too)
1 tsp of cinnamon
1 tsp coconut oil

Directions:

Mix cereal, peanuts and pretzels in a large mixing bowl.
Add in whiskey and cinnamon and mix thoroughly.
Pour the mixture onto a cookie sheet.
Preheat oven to 350 and bake mixture for 10 minutes
While cereal is baking, heat up the sauce pan on the stove.
Pour in both packages of white chocolate chips.
Cook until the chips are completely melted.
Right before you add to the mixture, add in coconut oil and mix around.
Pour melted chocolate over cereal mixture and carefully mix it around to cover all cereal.
Pour out mixture onto parchment paper and let sit for 10 minutes in the fridge.
Break apart and enjoy