S3E4: The King's Table

Hear Ye, Hear Ye! The Lords and Ladies of Spatchcock Funk take you on a culinart quest, with a medieval-themed party. Fun, themed costumes, role-playing and a spread fit for a king, all of your subjects will love this party for the (Middle) ages.

Watch the full episode

Recipes from this episode

Valhalla's Nectar

Whipped War Pigs

King Turkey Legs

Hot Princess Peach

Valhalla's Nectar

Yields: 1 cocktail
Time: 5 minutes

We’re tryin’ to keep it authentic to the time period, the same way we like to keep things authentic with our people. We named this cocktail after the legendary afterlife for Viking warriors, and the Vikings, both as raiders and traders, had a tremendous influence on Europe during these dark times. One of their favorite things to drink after all that pillaging or commerce therapy was mead, a honey-based wine that is part of the drink. When we think of the Middle Ages (or the renaissance), we usually think of Europe, but advancements, both technological and culinary, were happening around the world. In the New World, pre-Spanish Central Americans were learning how to distill with agave, and we use Mezcal, honey simple syrup, and lime juice to make a righteous cocktail. Like a battle axe, it’s perfectly balanced, sharp, and powerful.

Ingredients:

2 oz mead (sweet preferred for this cocktail)
1 oz mezcal
1 oz water
1 oz lime juice
1 oz honey simple syrup
ice

Ingredients for Honey Simple Syrup

12 oz pure honey
12 oz water

Directions for Each Drink:

Add rum and lime juice to a tall glass filled with ice
Add in splash of vanilla
Stir
Top with ginger beer
Garnish with the red, white and blue
Turn it up

Whipped War Pigs

Yields:: 2-3 servings
Prep Time: 30 minutes

A tailgate staple and one of the iconic foods from the 716 - the chicken wing. When done right, they really can’t be beat, like a team on a hot streak. This recipe takes that All American classic from an All-American City, and we drape American (and Bills) colors all over these beauties to give you that great wing taste, and just make it look pretty, like a perfect deep ball. Whether it’s a tight spiral in the parking lot or on the 20-yard line during a game winning drive, some things just feel right and go together. Dressin’ up for the game can make or break your experience at the tailgate, and the same can be said for the chicken wing itself. We perfected it to give you the best experience possible, baby. We also included a great homemade blue cheese we got from Mason Hereford, the owner of one of our favorite restaurants on Earth, Turkey and the Wolf.

Ingredients:

1 dozen (roughly 1 lb) of chicken wings, separated into drums and flats, flapper end discarded
Canola or peanut oil (we love peanut, but used canola just in case some people had some allergies)
Cherry sweet chili sauce (ingredients and directions below)
Blueberry hot sauce (ingredients and directions below)
10 oz blue cheese crumbles
Chunky blue cheese dressing for dipping if you wish (ingredient and directions below)
Table salt to taste
Diced chives for garnish

Ingredients for Cherry Sweet Chili Sauce

½ C Thai sweet chili sauce
1 full jar of maraschino cherries, run through a food processor
1 Tbsp dark honey
1 tsp sesame oil
1 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp black pepper
2 Tbsp minced garlic in oil
1 tsp soy sauce
⅓ C water (add more as needed)
¼ tsp chili garlic sauce
If sauce needs thickening, add in 1 Tbsp cornstarch/1 Tbsp water, mixed into a slurry, added as needed

Ingredients for Blueberry Hot Sauce

2 C ground up blueberries, juice included (can be taken from frozen)
2 tsp of a green hot sauce
½ C maple syrup
½ C bourbon
1 C water, plus 2 Tbsp
1 tsp chipotle chili powder
½ tsp flake salt
1 Tbsp cornstarch and 1 Tbsp water, mixed together as a slurry
2 Tbsp unsalted butter

Ingredients for Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing

10 oz (or 1 ¼ C) of blue cheese crumbles
1 C mayo (Mason says to use Duke’s, so that’s what we used here)
½ C Sour cream • ¼ C Buttermilk
1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 Tbsp poppy seeds
1 ½ teaspoon hot sauce (like a tabasco)
1 ½ tsp garlic powder
1 ¼ tsp onion powder
1 tsp freshly ground black pepper
½ tsp celery salt
½ tsp celery seed
Kosher salt to taste

Directions:

Preheat the oil to 350°F
Gently lower the wings and fry for 7-8 minutes until golden brown and crispy
Remove from oil, lightly salt
In a large metal mixing bowl, mix them with the cherry chili sauce
Lay them onto your serving tray
Sprinkle the wings with the blue cheese crumbles
Take your blueberry hot sauce and drizzle across the wings in a zig zag pattern
If need more bleu cheese, dip away
Grab a wing and fly away

Directions for Cherry Sweet Chili Sauce

Combine all ingredients in a small pan over medium heat until evenly mixed
Keep heating and stirring until it thickens
Add slurry, one combined Tbsp at a time as needed, to desired wing-sauce consistency (so it sticks to a wooden spoon)

Directions for Blueberry Hot Sauce

Add all ingredients (blueberries, maple, bourbon, hot sauce, chili powder and salt) into a medium pan, heat over medium heat, stirring constantly
After it is blended evenly, keep stirring for another 1-2 minutes
Add in the slurry if need to thicken
Last step, add in the butter and keep stirring until it melts

Directions for Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing

In a large glass mixing bowl, mix everything together
Take a taste, and if you need to add more salt or lemon juice, go for it
(This will stay in your fridge for a week)

King Turkey Legs

Yields: 6-8 servings
Total time: 60 minutes

One of our favorite sounds and smells of a great tailgate? A flat top grill, really great meat sizzling, people talkin’, music playin’ and the crowd just buzzin’. A sandwich that always makes us happy is a great Philly cheesesteak, and with respect to that, we invented a take on it that’s a little unique and brings a lot of flavor firepower and is downright fun to make. The perfect sandwich to have a beer or two while whippin’ it up. What makes it Buffalo? A few things, but the first is the Kummelweck sub roll. The famed Kummelweck roll is usually round, and celebrated for the seasoning mixture on top. All we did was have some baker friends make the same thing into a sub roll shape. We throw some choice shaved prime rib onto the hot flat top, and we caramelize some onions to throw on top, with a horsey mayo sauce that just hits different. We melt some sharp cheese and bring this beauty together, like those beauties crashing your tailgate. This sandwich fits perfectly in your hand, just grab it by the laces.

Ingredients:

2 lbs shaved prime rib
3 whole caramelized onions (ingredients and instructions below)
6 Kummelweck rolls (we had a local bakery season sub rolls for us)
Butter for crisping the rolls
1 C of horsey sauce (ingredients and instructions below)
1 lb or cheese mix (we used sharp white cheddar, cheddar parm and parm, all shredded off of the block)

Ingredients for Horsey Sauce

½ C sour cream
2 Tbsp horseradish (drained and squeezed all the water out)
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
¼ tsp salt
¼ tsp freshly ground black pepper
1 Tbsp dried parsley
2 Tbsp good mayo

Ingredients for Caramelized Onions

3 whole, big white onions, sliced into rings
¼ C extra virgin olive oil
2 sticks of butter
(if you wish, you can also sprinkle a tsp of sugar on top)

Directions:

Once the onions are ready, you’re ready to go
Add some oil to the flat top, and toast the sub rolls on the flat side until they are a little crisped
Heat the grill surface to medium, and add the beef, salt lightly if you wish
Once the meat is cooked through, add a handful of shredded cheese mix and heat until melted
Meanwhile, cover the inside of the top of the crisped roll with the horsey sauce
Layer the meat and cheese on the bottom of the roll
Top with the onions
Throw the top on
Eat one of these sandwiches to top a great moment

Directions for Horsey Sauce

Mix all ingredients evenly
Let chill for 30 minutes

Directions for Caramelized Onions

Melt the butter and heat the oil on the flat top over low-medium, at least 45 minutes before you start cooking the rest of the sandwich
Throw the onions on (if you’re using the sugar, put that on now)
Continue cooking and stirring over low-medium heat, constantly stirring for at least a half hour, adding a tablespoon of butter and a squirt of oil every once in a while
When they are dark brown throughout and very soft, they are ready

Hot Princess Peach

Yields: 8-10 servings
Prep Time: 45 minutes

Some tailgates can get a little brisk, others downright brutal, with cold winds, even snowstorms. We’ve got the remedy, though, besides dressing in layers, that is… A great, warm soup with some fun croutons. Some of the best parts of tailgates are bacon, beer and cheese, so we threw ‘em all together and fire up the cauldron and make something magical, like that big trick play that actually works. Smokey bacon, a combination of cheeses and creamy goodness has made this the highlight of a few tailgates we’ve been lucky enough to be a part of. Easy to make, just takes a little time (and a little bacon) and totally worth it. The pretzel croutons add a little something to the presentation and the bite, too. Get on ‘em.

Ingredients:

1 lb of bacon, cut into ¼” lardons
3 diced sweet onions
1 ½ C chopped celery
4 bell peppers (yellow, red, orange), chopped up
6 cloves of minced garlic
1 tsp kosher salt
½ tsp freshly ground black pepper
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp lemon juice
½ C unsalted butter, cut into Tbsp slices
½ C all-purpose flour
1 can of beer, an Oktoberfest or a pilsner, nothing too hoppy
3 C chicken stock
1 C whole milk
1 C half-and-half or heavy cream if you’re feeling frisky
1 Tbsp Dijon mustard
1 ¼ chopped chives
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp dry mustard
1 tsp hot sauce sauce
At least 1 lb shredded cheese, we used a combo smoked gouda, cheddar and parm
½ C of leftover nacho cheese from a recent trip to the bar
Pretzel croutons (directions below)
Chopped parsley or green onions for garnish

Ingredients for Pretzel Croutons

5 microwaveable pretzels, or 5 store-bought big ol’ soft pretzels
¼ C extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp garlic powder
Salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

In a large pot, cook the bacon lardons until mostly done, then remove ‘em onto a paper towel-lined plate and keep the grease in the pot
Add in the veggies, and stir to coat them in the bacon grease, and cook over medium heat until soft, around 5-6 minutes
Throw in the chives, garlic, salt, pepper and cayenne and cook for another 2 minutes
Add the butter, stir until it is totally melted
Add in the flour, making a roux, until it is golden brown, 2-3 minutes
Add in the beer, and cook for another 3 minutes until it starts to thicken a bit
Stir in the broth, milk and half-and-half, and bring to a boil
Reduce heat to a simmer, stirring often, for 10-15 minutes, until it coats the spoon
Add in the Dijon, Worcestershire, dry mustard, stir until evenly distributed
Remove from heat • Slowly add in the cheese and stir until it melts completely
You can freeze this, or you can make it up to 4 days in advance
Once hot, scoop into a bowl, and garnish with 3-4 croutons and some parsley or green onions

Directions for Pretzel Croutons

Cut pretzels into 1 ½ inch cubes
Toss pretzels into olive oil
Add in garlic powder, salt and pepper
Throw on a cookie sheet, and bake for 12 minutes, checking after 6, until they are harder on the outside and still spongy on the inside